The White Fox Bracelets

Discussion in 'Original Stories' started by Dioxas, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Sorry guys I am still having problems writing currently. hope to get over this hump soon.

    Hey guys im Dioxas ive read quite a few novels on here including Coiling Dragon ISSTH ATG TDG TDE the divine element and many more.

    I decided to post a story im starting, im currently at a writers blocks so idk when ill be able to post updates.

    Please enjoy my story and give me alot of criticism!

    Synopsis: A Empire in ruin looking for the Empress the old stories have told of. A empire being threatened by her neighbors. and a young child born to a destiny many would believe would crush the greatest of gods. Betrayal, heart break, war. the rise of a Empress and her empire in a corrupted old world.

    Table of Content:
    Chapter 1: The Beginning of a Life
    Chapter 2: A Beginning of a Life
    Chapter 3: The Blood Oath of a Chained Soul
    Chapter 4: The Awakening of a Magi-Knight
    Chapter 5: The Beginning of a Three year Retreat
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
  2. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Chapter one: The Beginning Of A Life



    Year 8109 of the Yarlean calendar, in the capital city of the Maliandrata Empire a new life is coming into being that will not only change the fate of those closest to her, but the standing of an entire empire.

    Outside the Yarlean citadel found outside of Vorlis on the Maliandratan continent, a young couple approaches a building that shimmered like a precious gem, with an entourage of guards. One guard is proudly displaying a banner that has a half crescent moon pierced by a black spear decorating its surface. When the priests managing the citadel notice the banner, they kneel and bow as the couple approache the entryway. As the group approaches the young woman’s knees buckle as her unborn baby kicks. The young man reaches for the woman to catch her before she falls, “Evalantra are you sure we need to go to the temple?” He asks as he leans her against his shoulder while waiting for her to regain her strength.

    “Niclaer you know how hard this pregnancy has been on me, we’ve tried having all the doctors in the empire travel to our home and inquired with the alchemist association. None of the treatments they’ve offered have worked, and after trying so hard, I do not want to lose the only child that I have the chance to give you. Our last option is to ask the gods.” she said as she gave the purple haired man an irritated glance and continued towards the citadel.

    Niclaer watched her back as she marched towards the citadel, giving a loud sigh as he says to the old servant standing beside him, “She knows how I feel about turning to the gods, and yet, she still stands to come here, dragging me along as well.”

    The old servant chuckled as he told the young man, “Lad you know the young miss has always been a strong willed woman, and knowing this you still chose to marry her. She rightly knows why you are against the gods, however, she also believes that this will save the child you two have tried to have for so long. I believe you need to trust in her as you have in all other affairs.”

    “Like always Michal, you are right, let’s head in before she starts scolding the priests,” Niclaer states as he starts walking into the citadel. As he walks into the temple he hears Evalantra shouting, and as he gets deeper he sees an old couple standing in front of Evalantra shaking in anger as his wife yells at them.

    The old man looks up at Evalantra and says to her, “Would you please act more accordingly since you have come to talk with the gods. Now, before we allow you to set foot into the alcove, we must first be informed as to why you wish to ask the gods for help.”

    “I should not have to inform a priest as to why I am seeking the help of the gods, especially one that smells of rotten wine and incense.” Evalantra turned around and said to Niclaer, who was now standing besides her, “Husband, speak some sense into this senile priest, for he will not allow us to speak to the gods.”

    “Old man, explain to me what is the problem here? There should be no reason for you to bar the path of those with royal blood. So unless you can give me a satisfactory answer allow us into the alcove of the god.” announced Niclaer.

    “I mean you no disrespect my lord. However, I cannot imagine why you would need to bring your wife to see the gods, please answer the curiosity of this old me.” said the old man.

    “We are coming to ask the gods to protect our unborn child.” murmured Niclaer.

    The old priest stares at the young couple for a few minutes, when suddenly a bright light shines from the depths of his eyes and a suffocating power is emitted from his body. “I, the exalted Yarlean , grant ye the protection of being one of my wards.” The couple stares in shock for a second before they quickly bow and offer their thanks.

    As the old woman holds the collapsed priest, after she herself recovered from the shock, she proceeds to tell Evalantra, “You now have the protection of the god Yarlean, walk from here in peace, knowing thy child will be safe and strong.”

    Walking away from the temple they meet up with their entourage of guards, and start heading back to Valios. While riding down the long highway towards the city, Evalantra asks Niclaer, “Why did you tell that old man the reason we came to the temple?”

    “Because Eva, at the level you are you couldn’t sense the power stirring from the alcove, I knew something was going to happen, so I decided to be honest with him instead of forcing our way through.” Niclaer replied to her in a steady manner as he led the group.

    “Still no reason to lower yours---ahhhhh!!!” Evalantra cried out in pain while talking to Niclaer. As she screams she starts to fall off her horse.

    “Eva whats wrong? Michal?! Michal!!” as Niclaer yelled for the servant he rushed to Evalantras side and caught her before she hit the stone covered ground. “Eva whats wrong? Is it the child??” As Niclaer looks at his wife who's in immense pain he starts to panic thinking of their unborn child.

    “It’s the child. I think it’s time.” She said through the pain. When Michal made his way over to them he glanced at Evalantra and then at Niclaer who nodded for him to go ahead and take her back to the palace.

    Upon arriving at the palace Niclaer yelled for a guard to send for servants to prepare their rooms for Evalantra, fetch a doctor, and inform his mother at the quickest pace possible. Helping Eva off the horse Niclaer carries her to the rooms and places her on the bed.

    Time Passed as he watched the maids come and go with sheets and bloody basins of water, not knowing how she was doing, only hearing her screams and the little bit of news he got from the maids as they passed by, it was driving him insane. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came out of the rooms looking exhausted as he wiped his forehead with a rag. Not being able to resist Niclaer asked him, “Doctor how is she? How's the baby?”

    “You don’t have to worry about either of them prince Niclaer, the mistress and the child are both fine and healthy. I would like to congratulate you on your healthy baby girl.” As the doctor finished talking he walked off to give the couple privacy, however as he continued down the hallway he ran into the Empress Evelenda. “Your majesty” he said as he bowed low.

    While holding the child Evalantra watched as Niclaer walked into the room, not being able to withstand saying “If you don’t stop fretting and walk over here, both of us will be old enough you won’t have the chance to hold her.”

    Walking over Niclaer asked, “How is she doing? Are there any problems?”

    “You should see for yourself,” Eva said as she held out the bundle of cloth she was holding in her arms.

    Taking the bundle, Niclaer pulled the top back and saw the most beautiful face in his life. As the child opened her eyes he couldn't help but smile from the shine of curiosity found within them. “She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, other than you my love.” he said.

    “She has my face but your smile, and it seems she inherited the traits of my father.” Eva couldn't help but sigh as she finished talking.

    “Boy, have you decided on a name for my granddaughter yet?” turning at the sudden voice they saw the empress, mother of Niclaer, standing in the doorway with a bright smile on her face. “Has getting a child made you two mutes? Answer the question boy.” from the way she spoke you could tell she was used to ordering others around.

    Evalantra squared her shoulders and said, “we decided beforehand that if it was a girl we would name her Evelenda.”

    With a look of surprise the empress said, “I'm honored you would give your first born my name. However, what about those from your family girl?”

    “They will understand, we want our daughter to be the strongest and brightest child alive, so it seemed fitting to give her the name from a line of strong women.” mentioned Niclaer.

    As the family conversed the cloth around the child loosened enough to where one could see the arms of the new born baby, and on her right arm there was a shallow white glow in the shape of a fox disappearing into her body. However, this went unnoticed as the family was to caught up over the child's birth to notice.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2017
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  3. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Chapter 2: A Time of Learning



    In a field of flowing grass and flowers, stands a pair of foxes, one old, one young. As the young one follows along with the older fox, it looks around at the field and think’s it’s the most beautiful sight she’s ever seen. The pair continued walking through the field until they reached a lake whose surface looked as if it was made from the purest crystal in the world.

    Upon reaching the side of the lake the older fox turned around and started to speak, “Our home may have been taken from us, however, so long as you keep training and growing, one day, our ancestors will be able to rest in the halls of….” As the Young fox listened, not quite understanding what he meant, there was a sudden flash of bright light, and the next thing she knew she was staring at the ceiling thats been over her head for five years.

    Staring up at the ceiling, the young lady tried to remember what she dreamt of. Reaching her hand up in the air a thought passed through her, “Was that really a dream? Everything seemed so lifelike.” A light ray of sun sneaks its way past the curtain of the window to the left, illuminating the face of the child. She had the purest white hair and eyes such a scarlet red, you would think they were made of blood.

    Standing up from the bed the child moved towards the window to open the green curtain. As the sun rays were shifting through the now uncovered window, one might see the face of the child with a smile that would have armies kneeling in worship. The child softly sighs and says to the world outside her room, “I wonder if mother and father have returned from aunty and uncle's home yet.” The child turns around with a determined expression, and starts getting ready for the day.

    In another room with a table almost as big as the hall itself, with seats that could hold close to a hundred people, far more than what it has ever held. The same child is seated towards the head of the table flanked by two servants who, in their own right, could bring down a country with their beauty. However, around this child they could only play a supporting role as this child is destined to be a shining star that all would look up to.

    One of the servants who appeared to be not much older than the young girl softly spoke behind her, “Miss Evelenda, with you waking up much earlier than you usually do it will take a few moments for your breakfast to arrive.” The awe the young servant expressed while looking at this young miss would make one think they are looking upon a goddess.

    “It's fine Saela, I know I threw everyone's schedule off with waking up early, I'll be sure to properly apologize. However, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Eve?” Evelenda turned her head towards the younger maid and gave her an adorable pout that would have anyone try to appease her.

    “Yes Miss Eve.” Saela could only bow her head and shyly speak the nickname her owner always insisted she call her. It wasn’t that Saela didn’t want to be friends with the girl, however she knew her position. She was only the slave of this young miss and was bound by her life blood to serve and protect her even if it cost her her life.

    Eve thought to herself that Saela was being amusing as always, she didn’t think it was such a big deal for the girl she saw as a big sister to call her what her parents did. Eve turned towards the older servant who always had a cold expression no matter how many times she saw her. “Inara, has mother sent any information to you on when they plan on returning?” Eve casually asked the old servant.

    “Yes young Miss, they will be returning around noon. From what your mother has said they will be bringing you a nice present.” Inara said with a cold expression on her face.

    Eves face lit up with excitement as she turned towards the door on her right to watch the kitchen servants bring in her food. “I wonder what kind of present mother was talking about,” she quietly muttered in her heart. As the servants left Eve started to wolf down her food, eating enough for a man twice her size. Saela and Inara watched in amazement as she ate more than she ever had.

    Finished with her meal Eve got up from the table and started walking towards the gardens to meet up with her tutor. Upon reaching the gardens, Eve walked through a maze of flowers until she found the rotund man who taught her her lessons, Bearn.

    Bearn turned around as he sensed the footsteps of his young charge, facing the young princess with a wide smile on his face thinking he was lucky he had a student who would listen to his lecturers. “Princess, have you been studying the points of our last lesson that I told you to remember?” Bearn asked as she started to settle on the bench they frequently used during this time.

    Eve sighed as Bearn started asking her questions without letting her give him a proper greeting. “Yes Oh master Tutor, I can answer all questions you wish to ask me on the subject.” Both of them, teacher and student, looked at each other and started to laugh.

    “Oh Eve I can’t ask for more, not only are you a bright student but you joke around with this old man. Now, can you recite to me the different names of the duchies and the family in control of each one?” Bearn asked as he stared at his pupil.

    “Okay! There are ten duchies divided between three families. Six of the duchies are owned by my family, the royal family, while one is owned by the Saint General Iltranios, another one is owned by Overatros Academy, and the last Duchy is owned by my mothers family, the Talioxatris family. The reason we share the duchies is because the Saint General always controls a duchy for military purposes and it's passed down each generation. Overatros academy is the second biggest organization on this continent.” Eve completely listed the start of the lecture Bearn spoke of last they met, but before she could continue Bearn interrupted her.

    “Why is the academy the second biggest organization and why does the royal family allow it to stay? Why not remove it so they’re fully in control of the continent, also what continent are we on?” Bearn asked a series of question that caused Eve to think for a few moments before she was able to respond.

    “The reason Overatros Academy is allowed to stay is because they’ve produced a lot of experts who can be called upon to defend them if someone attempts to remove them. Another reason is because they are situated on the other continents. The continent we are currently on is Maliandrata, and the other continents are Viomina and Aleavoitre.” Eve answered the questions Bearn asked, giving him a bright smile and acting as if she could tell all the knowledge he asked of her when he wanted it.

    “Good. Now, why does the Talioxatris family get to control a duchy by themselves?” The old tutor was always impressed with how well she remembered what he taught her, and he had a thought go through his mind, “Is there anything she doesn’t remember”? If not she would not need him for long.

    “The Talioxatris family is allowed to control a duchy because it was their reward for helping my family unite the continent when all others believed it was a fool's task.” Eve started to get bored with these basic questions. As she finished speaking she started to let her eyes wander and when they reached the east gate a spark of joy flitted through her eyes as she saw her parents standing in the gateway watching her from afar.

    Jumping up in joy Eve ran into the embrace of the woman who shared the same characteristic hair that only the two of them had. “Mother when did you return? I’ve been waiting for you for days, what took you so long?”

    The woman hugged the child and gazed at her with a loving look that only someone who shared the same blood could give. “It took longer than expected for your father to help your uncle hunt down that rank five mystical beast, if they weren't so obstinate and had let me go we could have finished and returned after only a few days instead of weeks.”

    As the woman glared over to the man standing beside her he gave a sheepish grin, soon after he had a serious look as he moved his eyes towards his daughter. “Eve we have brought you a present, I believe it’s time for you to begin your cultivation training. So, we’ve brought you your first blood bonded.” as he finished speaking he looked over his shoulder and motioned for a girl about the age of 13, with brown hair, grey eyes and looked as if she stepped out of hell with the sinister look that occasionally flashed through her eyes.

    “This slave will be the first one you bind to yourself through your blood.” her mother mentioned to the girl still in her embrace.

    Eve stared at this older girl who couldn't have been much older than Saela by the looks of her height. Eve couldn't help but admire the look of defiance when her mother called her a slave, not many people would dare look at her mother, who was a stage fifty nine sovereign mage, that way. She couldn't help but have a thought pass through her mind, “What would her life be like with this older girl following her around in the future?”
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
  4. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Chapter 3: The Blood Oath of a chained soul




    The rear gardens. A place only the fifth princess of the empire, princess Evelenda Talioxatris Maliandra, is allowed to set foot in. Found at a wooden table is the figures of a small child and a young woman. Both are surrounded by the shadows of armed guards, and the overhanging branches from the copse that was nearby. One looks as if she’s the embodiment of a dark, snowy night, whereas the other looks as if she has the flow of the fiery earth in her veins. The guards standing on either side of the young woman and behind the child, looked as cold as statues, but contained a glint in their eyes that promises death to any that offend them, or those they’re protecting

    Eve looked at the older girl seated across from her, and couldn’t help but notice how pretty she was. How her eyes portrayed that she wouldn’t give into anyone. With this girl being by her side now, and in the future, she couldn’t help but have the thought that maybe the gods have finally given her the older sister she had always wanted. Someone who can dote on her as well as protect her.

    Uvanda stared at the small child whose parents had bought her for. The excitement and curiosity in those small eyes made her heart melt, until she remembered that she was a slave and will soon be bound to this girl until her death. With no hope of escape. A thought couldn't help but pass through her heart, “If I ever get the chance, I will personally tear this child into a thousand pieces for thinking she can make me her slave.”

    “Hey big sister, what’s your name?” Eve innocently asked the older girl. She never understood what her parents meant when they referred to someone as a slave. “They call Saela a slave, but she was just a big sister, so this girl should be the same, right?”

    “I am not your big sister, brat. Just because you are born to the royal family doesn’t mean you’ll always get what you want. If I ever get the chance, I will use you to run away, and then finish you off with my own hands.” Uvanda darkly spoke to Eve while keeping an eye on the guards to see how they reacted.

    As she expected, the guards faces grew darker and a few inched their hands closer to the swords at their sides. A smug look crossed her face, “These fools will be easy to control”. When the thought crossed through her mind, Uvanda happened to glance at the young girl seated across from her. The tiny face in the shape of a snowdrop had tears running down her face. For some reason a trace of panic and worry crossed her heart.

    Eve listened to the elder girl, and when she was threatened, her mind, which was rather bright for children her age, started to realise that she wasn't brought here to be a big sister, but for another reason altogether. Realising she couldn't have an elder sister as pretty as the one in front of her, and who at first seemed so kind, caused tears to run down her face as a chill that strikes only when your sad, starts to creep over her shoulder.

    On the other side of the garden, Evalantra and Niclaer are hiding in the shadows, watching their daughter interact with the slave they brought back. After hearing the threat the young woman made, both of their faces tightened up, but soon relaxed knowing she would never be able to harm their daughter after today.

    Walking over to the group of people under the trees, Evalantra and Niclaer nod to the guards who step back seeing the masters of the palace walk towards them. Standing beside the two girls, Evalantra spoke,“Evelenda, let's go to the main hall to begin the Blood Bonding Ceremony.”

    Niclaer spoke out and said to Uvanda, “You may be harboring intentions to harm my daughter, however, you should have put your plan into motion before you had even reached the palace. Now, you won't have the chance to.” The look that passed through Uvanda’s eyes wasn't one of strength, but of fear, especially after she heard they were going to be performing the Blood Bonding Ceremony.

    Eve nodded to her mom while wracking her brain to remember anything she could about the Blood Bonding Ceremony, but couldn't recall hearing anything about it during her studies. Following her mother, Eve soon reached the main hall. Once inside, they noticed the hall was filled with servants and members of their branch of the royal family. Everywhere she looked, different shades of red was draped from the ceiling in the form of banners. Even the clothing the clan members wore were different shades of red, but most resemble the colour of blood.

    As everyone saw the main members of the bloodline, they kneeled and bowed. The elders at the front of the room soon got to their feet and walked over to the Head of the family. Speaking up, the elder at the front of the group said, “Family head, we offer our congratulations for the young miss’s first blood bonding. We hope her talent not only rivals, but surpasses those of the prior generations.” After the elder finished speaking, he stepped off to the side to wait and watch with everyone else.

    Reaching the front of the hall, Niclaer turned to face Eve and the rest of those gathered in the hall. “Evelenda, today you will be taking your first blood bonded. You haven't heard of this before from your teacher, so i'll explain how important this is. A blood bound is not only a slave, but a close friend. Someone who you can trust more than even your own blood. They will never betray you, and they will always have your best interest before anything else. But the truly important part, is we get to see how good your aptitude is, and what elements you are most suited for. We also find out if you are fit to start being trained as a mage. You probably know the difference from your teacher, but just incase i'll mention the different cultivation areas and levels for you. You have the body cultivators known as knights, and the intellectual, spiritual cultivators knows as mages. As you know, both your mother and I train as both a knight and mage, being rank fifty-nine in both aspects. Do you have any questions?” Turning a tender but stern stare toward Eve, Niclaer couldn't help but let out a sigh in his heart, knowing this will determine his daughter's future.

    Shaking her head no, Eve couldn't help but get a little excited, even though she realised this will determine her future. Although she knows elements are generally inherited, she couldn't help but hope that she got different elements than her mother's fire, and her father's wind. As Eve was daydreaming about what her elements will be, she failed to notice the helpless look that surfaced on Uvandas face.

    Bringing a stone with her, Inara stepped out from behind Evalantra and walked towards the duo of young girls. As she stopped in front of them she mentioned, “This is a blood stone, it will bind the two of you till the death of the other. If your master Evelenda dies, then you will die as well. Although, if you die, then Evelenda will continue to live as normal.” She gave both of them a stern look. “Evelenda, no matter the order your blood slaves will have to follow them. You however, aren’t bound in the same way. This does not mean you can go back on your word. Trust in needed no matter what kind of relationship you have now, and with others in the future.”

    Nodding her head, Eve stared at the crimson stone in Inara’s hand, not being able to help it she asks, “Can we start now? I want to see what my elements are already Inara!” pouting and staring up at Inara, Eve tried to look pitiful as to hurry the older woman up.

    “We can begin now, Inara, since everything that needed to be said, has been said.” Niclaer told the servant with a sigh.

    “Put your hands on the bloodstone you two.” Inara held the stone towards the two, Eve reached her hand out immediately. Yet, Uvanda never moved hers. Seeing this, one of the guards standing behind her took her hand and put it on the stone. “What do you think you’re doing?!” yelled Uvanda.

    “Why child, they are just helping you, since it seemed you didn't hear my servant.” Evalantra informed the girl in an icy tone.

    As soon as Uvanda’s hand was put on top of the stone, both children felt a prick in the middle of their hand. As the blood flowed over the stone it seeped into its core. After the blood was absorbed, a voice was heard in each of their heads. Each girl started speaking the words of the contract that would bind them, feeling a connection form in their minds, a doorway of sorts, that allowed them to communicate. However, as the binding is a master servant relationship, the disparity was soon revealed when Eve finished talking, and Uvanda was still speaking the binding oath.

    “...I promise to adhere to the binding of my blood and soul to my master, if in the future I disobey a order my master has given, let my soul be dispersed by the laws governing our world.” Uvanda finally finished speaking after uttering the last line of her oath. Soon afterwards, she could feel something binding around her soul, that seemed to resemble chains, despite there being no lock she could find that she could break. After exploring her inner mind, she found a door but couldn't open it no matter how much she tried, she thought, “This must be the connection that allows that brat to talk to me and control the binding.”

    Eve on the other hand, didn't feel much different. Before she could ask her parents about it, a light shot out of the stone held in Inara's hand that could rival the glow of the sun. After the flash of light disappeared, seven colours were seen floating above her head. The most noticeable light was a grey and red one that overshadowed the rest. The experienced elders immediately recognize it as the Demonic attribute. Before the shock set in they glanced over the other lights shown, the second brightest light was a dark colour that resembled the night. It had a majestic feel that one couldn't help but feel awe for, but a coldness that promised a swift ending to any who crossed it.

    The third light, which rivaled the black colour, was a silver-white light that they recognized as a spatial attribute; one of the rarest attributes a individual could have, right under the demonic and slaughter attributes. The fourth light was noticed for the blinding crimson colour that resembled the blood seen in the veins of all living creatures; Slaughter, the most war like attribute. Any who had this attribute was known to be a god on the battlefield, and have untold prowess when it came to combat.

    The last noticed light, which wasn't any brighter than the crimson light, was a greyish silver, that resembled the sheen from a sharp blade. This fifth light was obviously the metal attribute, which brought about a unique connection between the cultivator and the weapon they choose to wield. Two lights were still left. Be that as it may, no one paid them much attention since they were noticeably dimmer than the other five. Despite them all being the perfect combination of elements the child had already shown aptitude for. Respectively they were lightning and fire, two explosive elements that any warrior feared to meet.

    A single thought went through everyone's mind, this girl was a heaven blessed child who was made for war, but why would someone like her appear when times were so peaceful, and with the evil demonic attribute. How is this going to affect the child in the future, with it being her strongest attribute.





    Author's Note: Hey guys Dioxas here! Thanks for following along this story and bearing with the boring tidbits from the first few chapters. We will be getting into the main plot from here on! As you have probably figured out, i'm pretty chaotic when it comes to posting chapters and I do it at random times as well!!! I'll be trying to stick to my schedule I have posted on my website which some of you may not have seen so ill put it in after this note. I'm pretty sure i've made my editor winter facepalm a lot during this process seeing how we are already behind schedule! *bows to winter* sorry editor! I hope you guys look forward to the rest of this story and I once again invite you all to follow along behind Eve with me to see where her journey takes her. (Dio wouldn’t let me edit the author’s note- Winter)


    Schedule as of now is Posting every Tuesday and Thursday and possibly one on Saturday but no promises on third chapter. Ill mainly use saturday for if I miss posting one on tuesday or thursday due to working a full time job and other life matters.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
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  5. Maromar

    Maromar New Member

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    Plot wise, you did well. There seems to be a depth of lore available and you clearly intend to delve into it. Authors tend to focus on character building more than world building, often to the extent that the story would be no different if it took place in any generic setting. The key is to mold together the aspects of how the characters shaped by the world and vice versa. Looking into the needs of civilizations and testing your own against them may prove useful for both. The methods your character's contemporaries use for survival and fulfilment will be the base, while individuality comes from their thoughts on the base. Also important is the reactions of those around your characters, authorities and rebellious elements are shaped by the same base in a variety of different ways. What does everyone else want? Will they seek to exploit or align themselves with the perspective characters and what are the visible, if any, signs of such things occurring? Having the personal consequences of your world edge its way into the narrative will provide interest for the world itself and the characters living inside it.

    My biggest gripe is your mechanics. You miss out on some sensory information and scene depth. Much of it is a "show, don't tell" issue, though there is some redundant language and description bare spots. The story is there, but it feels juvenile in its current state. That being said, I did enjoy reading through this, it's a shame that people in the forums hardly pass comments on to original works when their writers put so much of their souls into it.

    Keep being awesome, you have my attention. I'll try to extrapolate on this stuff in later comments.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2017
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  6. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Thanks man! im glad you enjoyed it and you have given me a lot to think about as I continue to write this story. please continue to follow this story and to see where our character is going!
     
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  7. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Chapter 4: The Awakening of a Magi-Knight




    The last thing Eve saw was shock, worry, and confusion, on her parents faces before everything went dark. This darkness was nothing like when she slept at night. It was a cold darkness that slowly crept into her soul, wiping out all light but a few suns and stars. The suns were different colours, the brightest one being red and grey, and emitted an evil aura. The next two brightest colours are a black one that resembled the night sky. Contrary to the evil aura emitted off the first sun, this one had a cold, yet welcoming aura. The sun on par with the black one was a silver sun with specs of white shooting off it. The aura it released was one of boundless space, and a weight that resembles the gravity keeping all things on the earth that one stood upon.

    Four more suns that were dimmer than the others appeared to be rotating around the celestial bodies Eve was looking at. Two out of the four appeared brighter than the other two, albeit, they seemed subservient to the first three. The light shining off of them was only dimmer than the first three suns, but noticeably brighter than the last two. The first one she looked at was a crimson red colour that reminded her of blood when she fell and scraped her knees. The aura radiating off this fourth sun was a cold and merciless one that promised death to any who went against it. When Eve looked towards the fifth sun, it had a shine to it that reminded the girl of her father's sword. It radiated a cold hardness that fit metal used to forge weapons. Surprisingly, it seemed to be extremely close to the crimson sun, as if they’re meant to be together.

    The last two suns that the elders, and even her parents didn't look at, where the suns Eve paid the most attention to. She realized they’re her parents elements. One was a sun of red fire that promised light and warmth in the dark, but had a fierce spirit! The last sun had a wildness to it, with dark blue lightning that shot out of it. The speed of the lightning was fast, and one could tell the destructive might from it was no weaker than the brighter suns!

    After Eve stopped looking at the sun's, she started to roam, slowly being overwhelmed by the vastness of the space she was in. Not knowing how much time went by, Eve soon came to a door made out of a shining light that had traces of a crimson colour in it. Walking up to the door, she tried to open it so she could walk through. However, no matter how much she pulled and pushed, it was impossible for her to open it. Turning around, Eve thought, “I didn't want to open this stupid door anyway.”

    Before she could continue exploring the space, Eve felt sharp pain assault her. A strange force pulled Eve further into the darkness. After shooting forward, she finally reached a place that was filled with a reddish white light in the shape of two rings. Surrounding the rings is a sea of energy the same colours as the sun's she saw previously. With pain still assaulting her, the energy started to shoot towards the rings as Eve drew closer. Unbeknownst to Eve, all of that soul power is much stronger than what most children her age have rampaging through their body, strengthening it and reshaping her bones. Not knowing why there was so much pain, Eves consciousness finally went into a deep slumber.

    While the child slept under the two rings of light, the spirit power in the child continued to reinforce and strengthen her bones meridians, and excavated her mind, expanding it. While the spirit power was strengthening her body, a pulse was sent through her body from her heart, which kept the spirit power away from that area no matter how much the twin rings tried to force their way there.

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    After the blood binding was finished, seven bright lights shot out of the bloodstone, stunning the entire hall. The most stunned out of all of them, was Uvanda. She heard the royal family had their own way to awaken the elements of their descendents, but she never would have believed it was done through the use of a blood stone, and the taking of a blood bonded.

    Looking towards the seven lights in the air, Uvanda was just as shocked as everyone else when seven elements appeared, and the rarity of the three brightest ones. Not long after the lights appeared, the child she was bonded to collapsed, causing panic to shoot through everyone present. Although she wasn't as panicked, she was worried, because through the connection they now shared, she could feel the intense pain this child was going through, and a blood oath should not have the ability to do this, let alone the awakening of elements.

    Turning to the couple up on the platform at the front of the hall, Uvanda spoke a question that she wanted to know, “Am I free to move around without those guards now? And what are you planning on doing with me from now on?” no matter what scenarios she ran through her mind, she knew now that the blood oath was completed and she was stuck here, albeit the oath was a loose one compared to most.

    The older woman, her masters mother, had a kind smile on her face, quite different from the previous icy look she had earlier. Of course she wouldn't look at her with that kind of cold expression anymore, seeing as now she couldn't hurt or plot against her child. When the older woman spoke out, the hall seemed to fall quite due to the melodious and clear voice she had, “ We will be sending you to Oveatros Academy. However, you will not be sent to one of the lower, or middle ranked academies. you will be sent to the main academy consisting of the first through third academies. You will not have to take the entrance test as we will be

    Staring in shock, she never would have thought they would be this generous to a blood servant. “ You are to kind in sending me there, I am fine with being sent to a middle rank academy. No need to waste this precious slot on me.” Uvanda sarcastically said. No matter how good this offer was, without knowing the reasons behind them willing to use this slot on her, she wouldn't easily take it. “Besides, I don’t feel like being forced to do more than I already have”

    “ I do think you have misunderstood us, we aren't offering you this opportunity, you will go there and rise in power through the rank of geniuses, to have a steady hold in place for when our daughter is sent there in three years time.” Niclaer sternly said to the petite girl standing in front of him.

    Continuing to issue orders, Niclaer told the guards standing near the wall to carry Evelanda to her room, and to make sure no one goes in there other than him, his wife, and Uvanda. After Evelanda was carried to her room, the hall was finally quieting down when a pair of footsteps were heard outside of the doors. After a few minutes, a host of armed warriors walked through the front doors of the hall. In front of them was the banner of the kingdom. The knights were covered in a pure black armour that seemed to envelope all the light in the hall, on the front of each of their chest is a silver crescent moon. After reaching halfway into the the hall, the warriors broke to the sides of the walkway. Walking in between the rows of guards was a woman who radiated the aura of a ruler.



    Author's Note: Hey guys Dioxas again! Sorry I haven't been keeping to my schedule, I just haven't felt like writing and I won't force myself to write because then the story won’t turn out how I want it to. So please bare with me while I get my ass together. Also Winter is editing this while i'm typing it and it triggers my dog. Ayyyyyyyy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
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  8. Dioxas

    Dioxas New Member

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    Chapter 5


    Watching the woman walking with the group of guards the entire hall grew silent from the shock of seeing the Empress come at such a crucial time. Noticing the cold looks being shot towards them by the guards, the entire hall quickly bowed to the Empress, who was walking to the front of the hall. Watching Niclaer and his wife bowing to her, the empress touched their shoulders signaling them to rise.

    Empress Evelenda glanced towards the young woman standing off to the side, staring at her without bowing. Compared to most girls her age, there was no awe or worship in her gaze, only hostility, and in the desp of her eyes, she could see a fiery, rebellious spirit. This girl, is going to grow into a strong expert, it's her misfortune but also a great fortune if she accepts her role.

    Sitting in the leader's seat with royal guards flanking her, Empress Evelenda started questioning her son and daughter in-law about Eve's awakening to learn why she wasn't here. The empress decided to ask Evalantra her questions first, “So Daughter, how did the child's awakening go and what are her strongest attributes?”

    Looking back at her mother in law, Evalantra proceeded to explain how the awakening ceremony went, “Everything went as planned during the ceremony, however, Evelenda awakened to seven attributes. The Demonic attribute being her strongest one, darkness her second strongest attribute. The rare Spatial attribute would be her third strongest, which is on par with the darkness one. I'm not to happy about this, however the slaughter attribute would be ranked fourth among her attributes, following that would be the metal attribute, which, i'm begrudgingly having to admit goes very well with the slaughter element. Following that would be her weakest two, which is lightning and Fire. Both are on par with each other. That is the report on her attributes, Empress.”

    After learning her granddaughter awakened to seven attributes, and all of them where attributes that shine on a battlefield, she couldn't help but have a premonition that the peaceful times of the empire would not last. This is what scholars will write down, as a ruler with wisdom and foresight in the future Glancing towards the girl that was made into a blood bound, she finally realized why her innocent granddaughter had someone with this kind of personality by her side so early on in her life, she could have the greatest protection and also a faithful friend.

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    As Eve was floating within a sea of darkness, she couldn't tell how long it had been before a speck of light finally appeared off in the distance. By the time she reached the light, Eve started hearing familiar voices belonging to her father, mother, Saela, and the girl she was with until recently, Uvanda.

    As the burst of light started to clear in her vision, the familiar faces of her family started to appear in front of her, with varying emotions on their faces, some had worrying looks while others had calm faces. The first to notice her opened eyes was surprisingly her grandmother, the Empress and the woman who shares her name, a warm smile spread across her face.

    As eve started to sit up a massive rush swept by her head giving her a feeling akin to sea sickness. Saela rushed over to give her support, her parents rushed to the side of her twin size bed. When the wave of dizziness started to fade Eve took a better look around her room and realised other than Saela and her parents, the others in the room consist of Uvanda, her grandmother, and her grandmother's guard Vieanca, and the family butler Michael. After taking in her surroundings, Eve went back to her parents faces and saw relief, nervousness, and love, overshadowing all other emotions.

    “Mother, Father, what happened? After I saw different coloured lights all I remember is darkness and pain” Eve asked the question that has been troubling her since she had awoken. After asking the question she noticed how everyone in the room started to have awkward expressions. The only one who had a neutral expression was her grandmother and the guard. Turning her question to them, “grandmother what happened to me?”

    Staring at this child who has never addressed her with the official title of empress she explained what happened, “after your first blood binding ceremony, you awaken your elements, and your body goes in a slumber to carve out your elemental nebulas as well as strengthen your blood bones and meridians. After that, it starts to increase your spiritual power which caused you to enter a coma for two days.”

    After listening to her grandmother explain what happened during the time she was in the dark recesses of her soul world, Eve was starting to understand what the different coloured lights represented. Thinking about it for awhile a question suddenly popped into her head. Looking again towards her grandmother she asked a simple question, “if I went through that pain did Uvanda experience it aswell?”

    Before anyone else could respond, Uvanda was the first to answer “ no, I already went through it as I am a little older than you, so I don’t have to go through it again.” after saying her peace on the matter she returned to her spot in the corner and sat down, ignoring everyone else.

    Coming to stand by the bedside, Empress Evelenda stared at her grandchild with a stern look on her face. Ever since she met her grandmother, Eve has never known her to show that kind of face to her. Before Eve could say anything, her grandmother spoke in a commanding voice, “Evelenda Maliandra, you have awoken seven different elements, the last one in the history of our empire who awakened even close to that amount was the Eztraya who fought beside the founder during his conquest of the continent. Therefore, i'm going to have you undergo training until you may attend the Oveatros Academy in three years time.”

    Hearing his mother speak, Niclaer started to get a bad feeling, because he fully understood how his mother gets when it comes to training. “Mother, Eve is only five years old, maybe it's a little too early for you to start training her.” After speaking up to try and save his daughter from the training he knows to be rather harsh, his mother turned towards him and he immediately regretted it after he saw the look he was given.

    “After finding out about her potential, how can I not oversee her training? Not even speaking about her future, just look at the future this could mean for our homeland. You don't have to worry, she is my granddaughter and I will make sure she gets the best training to stand above her peers.” After telling her reason, Empress Evelenda ignored the expression her son and daughter in law made. Looking towards Eve she told a simple sentence, “You are going to come to the mountain at the back of the royal palace in three days time to undergo your training for the next 3 years” after speaking, she calmly turned around and walked out of the room.

    Taken aback by the tone her grandmother used, she couldn't even make a sound before her grandmother disappeared through the door. After a moment of shock passed through the room, Eve turned her head towards her parents and was about to ask them if they could do something about what her grandmother wants to do, but her father beat her to it, “Eve don't try to ask us to get you out of it. When your grandmother sets her mind on something, especially training, noone can stop her.” after speaking his peace Niclaer took his wife's hand and headed out of the room leaving only Eve, Uvanda and Saela.

    Three days later the head of Empress Evelendas guard Vieanca came in a coach to pick up the young Evelenda. Not being able to find a way to get out of it after spending the night discussing it with Saela, the young girl could do nothing but walk towards the old guard. However, all through the night the same thought kept going through her head, what is Uvanda going to do? Looking towards the old man she asked him what will happen to the cold, older girl “Is Uvanda going to come with me?”
    Before the old man could answer, a cold voice came behind her. “I'm not going with you. Your parents are sending me to Overatros Academy and they didn't hold back, they are sending me to the rank 1 division as well.” Uvanda explained the situation to this naive child.

    Eve had a depressed look on her face after hearing that the older girl wouldn't be coming with her. Somewhere deep inside her said that without this girl near her, the next three years would be a very lonely time for her. Eve climbed into the carriage not knowing what would happen to her or her family during these three years apart. But what she did know is, after this, no one is going to make her leave the ones she cares about. At a young age this girl had a conviction that would cause headaches for all around her, and gain a lot of respect in the years to come.

    Chapter 5: The Beginning of the Three year retreat.

    Hey guys Dioxas here. i'm back! I know I have said this before, however I just didn't feel like writing then but now I do I guess? xD anyways i'm back for awhile and i'm bringing with me chapter 5! enjoy!
     

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