The Colourless King

Discussion in 'Original Stories' started by spartajam, May 16, 2017.

  1. spartajam

    spartajam New Member

    May 16, 2017
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    Hi All, Spartajam here. I live in the UK and I've always been a big fan of wuxia novels and have always had a dream of writing my own short novel. I've finally decided to take that leap. This is my first novel and I would love to get everyone's opinions on my writing, any grammatical errors, typos etc, so please don't hesitate to send me a message so I can improve myself. Thanks for taking the time to read my work!!

    Rook, Knight, Castle, Bishop, Queen and Kings, the path of kingdom cultivation is endless. To those with talent, they are revered. Those without are discarded as waste. To live by one's own morals and carve their own legend, this is the dream of a true cultivator.
    Blessed with talent but discarded as waste, I will rise up, create my own path and show the world my everlasting legend.

    Chapter 1 - The Ruins that Change Destiny

    A heavy bag dropped to the ground as a 7 year old boy looked up in awe. In front of him stood a 70 foot tower.

    This was no ordinary tower. The bricks were aged grey as though they had stood there for a millennium, pieces missing that had decayed to dust. Vines snaked along the side of the tower protecting the lower half of the tower.

    The boy smiled, he had finally come to a ruin like he always wanted. He turned to his father a wide grin showing as his father ruffled his hair.

    “Van….make sure you stay close to me and do not touch anything, ruins are dangerous, and it took a lot of convincing just to make your mother agree….i don’t want to see her angry if you return hurt,” the boy’s father said sternly, his deep brown eyes looking at the boy.

    Van nodded his head in agreement. Van was the only son of a ruin explorer.

    He looked up eagerly at his father, Kiln, this was the first time that he had been allowed to go with his father to explore a ruin.

    The tower was located in the region of Silban, where Van stayed. Silban was a large region that specialised in scholars and merchants. Kiln was a scholar who studied ruins.

    Silban was part of the Veramillion Kingdom. There were 6 regions that made up this kingdom, Viota, Zekkar, Luma, Clo, Silban and Ruggard. In the heart of the kingdom was Veramillion castle where the King and Queen governed the kingdom.

    The Veramillion kingdom was one of the kingdoms that made up the world of Fosteria.

    Ruins were rare in Silban. As soon as Kiln heard of the discovery of a new ruin he couldn’t hesitate to explore it and see what mysteries he could research.

    As Van had grown up watching his father and mother explore and study ruins his interest and curiosity in ruins grew bigger and bigger.

    His head turned back to the towering building glinting in blazing bright sun. Van eagerly stepped forward following his father as they moved through a giant archway into the the tower.

    The inside of the tower was dark and cold, a chilling breeze flowing through the hallway causing to Van to shiver. It felt like the tower was alive and watching the two strangers enter it.

    Van subconsciously moved closer to his father.

    As well as being an explorer, Kiln was also a cultivator. He was Knight ranked cultivator. Whenever there was danger Van always felt safer with his father. He was someone he hoped to follow and become as strong as.

    Kiln looked at Van moving closer as he ruffled his hair once again.

    “Don’t worry, you’re safe with me”.

    The duo moved further into the tower observing the ancient ruins, dust kicking up with each step being taken.

    Eventually the father and son pair came across a giant chamber. Above the chamber were the words written ‘The 10,000 Armament Emperor. All those worthy will change destiny.’

    Kiln frowned as he stepped into the chamber. The chamber looked as though it was new. The walls stone bricks were polished, shining against the torch’s light. Inside the chamber were various bookshelves with thick books engraved in ancient runes.

    In the middle of the chamber was a throne made from some unknown shiny element. It had the shine of deep dark gold.

    Kiln looked around the room searching for any traps and dangers. Once all seemed fine he nodded at Van to show the chamber was safe.

    Van’s eyes were drawn to this throne. As Kiln started to rummage through the various bookshelves Van stepped forward slowly to the throne his eyes reflecting the dark deep gold tint of the throne.

    He had never seen anything so mysterious before. his heart was beating fast, feeling it jump inside his body as though ready to burst out.

    Was this the feeling his father and mother felt when exploring ruins. The excitement of finding mysteries, the urge to find more.

    Van could not help himself shake in excitement. He could not stop thinking about growing up and exploring ruins by himself, finding the legacies of the ancient world.

    Before he knew it he stood in front of the throne. His hand slowly reached out touching the arm of the golden throne. The throne felt cold like ice but with a metallic feel to it. Van placed his palm fully on the throne.

    It was weird. It felt like the throne was both mysterious but also familiar to Van. Like it was comforting to him just like how he would feel safe by his Father. As he moved his hand he bumped against the throne, a white colourless marble falling from the top of the throne onto the seat making a reverberating clinking sound.

    Van stared at the white marble in front of him wondering what it was. It was deep white but somehow also mirror like. Van could see his own reflection In the marble.

    He glanced back at his father, still immersed in the books scribbling notes down furiously, his head turned back to the marble as Van stretched his hand out grabbing it and holding it open on his palm in front of him.

    As he was observing the new trinket he found in this ruin he heard a soft and gentle voice in his head.

    “Hmmm I can sense potential in you….you are also like me…..colourless…….kid, this is your lucky day……and maybe also mine……someone who can finally continue my legacy…………kid, don’t let me down……… your destiny changes…..”

    All of a sudden the marble melted into a shiny white liquid merging into Van’s hand. Van felt a burning hot yet also icy cold sensation shooting up his arm into each one of his limbs, flowing into his dantian and through his meridians. He could not help but scream out loud in pain as a wave of information shot into his brain.

    The information was too vast, he could not comprehend it amongst the sharp icy cold pain he felt in his body and brain. He felt a weird feeling in his core where his dantian was, as though something was there expanding until he felt it was going to burst his body apart before shrinking into nothingness.

    His body felt depleted of all energy, his eyes shaking violently, going in and out of focus, the chamber becoming blurry with each passing second.

    Van shook falling down to the ground, his vision turning completely black , all thoughts leaving his head, the pain easing as he heard a final voice echo in his head…

    “10,000 Colourless Armaments……….”
    Last edited: May 21, 2017
  2. spartajam

    spartajam New Member

    May 16, 2017
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    Chapter 2 - The Test Begins

    Birds whistled outside a bedroom, bright sunlight striking through the window. A 15 year old boy yawned stretching his arms as he forced himself out of his bed. He ruffled his white short hair dragging his tall figure to get dressed. His face was sharp with sharp black pointed eyebrows like a warrior.

    This was Van. 8 years had passed since the incident at the Ruins. After the marble dissolved into Van he fell into a coma for 7 days. The only visible change from this was that his black hair had turned white.

    During the coma, the local doctor came to inspect Van but could not find any reason for his hair turning white or what caused the coma. After 7 days passed Van woke up not remembering the day at the ruins at all.

    This was something that caused some concern for Kiln. He had a worrying thought it related to the scriptures he found in the ruins but could not find any physical evidence to prove this. After the incident he would spend most of his time trying researching The 10,000 Armament Emperor, but he could not find one single text that mentioned this emperor. For someone with such an impressive ruin it made no sense why there no records on this emperor. He had to have been a power existence.

    After some years, he reluctantly let go of his investigations, and just was grateful that nothing serious came out of Van’s coma.

    This was a special day for Van. Today was the day that Van could get tested to see his talent.

    In the Veramillon Kingdom after every child turned 15 they would be able to test their talent and move into the world of cultivators.

    Van stayed in the city of Tomi in the Silban region. Tomi was a small Merchant city. It was a vibrant, busy city with merchants and buyers flocking to trade their goods in the markets and participate in auction houses. Because of this, every year Tomi would hold a open test to all in the Veramillon kingdom to determine talents.

    Silban had 3 sects that would train the younger generation of cultivators. There was the 1st ranked Imperiam Noct sect, the 2nd ranked Argan Flame sect and the 3rd ranked Eternal Forest sect.

    Each year an elder from each sect would be sent to oversea the test, and offer places at the sect to the best talents.

    Van got changed putting on his Azure training clothes as he rushed downstairs to his Mother and Father.

    HIs Mother, Celia, turned around as soon as she heard Van running down. Celia was beautiful woman with long black hair that reached her hips, wearing glasses and a long green dress, as she smiled at Van.

    “Van, i know this is a big day for you but I still want you to be careful”. After the incident at the Ruin, Celia had became overprotective of Van, worrying about what dangers he could face if he wandered off again.

    “Celia, he’ll be fine…he has our intelligence and drive as an adventurer….he’ll make sure not to go into any dangers he can’t escape” Kiln’s deep voice boomed across the room as he looked up from his chair.

    Van nodded his head in agreement sitting down to eat breakfast and prepare himself for the test.

    As Kiln was a cultivator, Van had already heard the full testing process from his father.
    Two stones would be presented in front of the youths, one that tested that potential and the other that tested their element affinity.

    The stone would be ranked accordingly to the levels of cultivation in the Kingdom. These were:

    Rook, Knight, Bishop, Castle and King/Queen. Only the rarest of talents in the Kingdom would have the potential to become a King or Queen.

    He also heard rumours from Kiln that there were levels further then King/Queen but the information was guarded by the top level sects.

    The stone that tested elements would show Fire, Water, Earth, Lightning and Wind. As well as potential, element affinity was also an important factor.

    Each cultivation technique would be linked to an element. Having a strong element affinity with the correct cultivation technique would allow a cultivator to gain immense strength and build a solid foundation.

    Van left his house early in the morning making his way to the training grounds where the testing was being done.

    He arrived to find an elder of Tomi standing outside the training grounds taking down registration forms handing youths an identification number.
    Van joined the line filling out the form before he moved into the training grounds.

    He looked across the grounds seeing hundreds of youths like him staring towards the head of the grounds to a platform where 3 old men were standing.
    Each one of the old men had white hair and long bears, but were wearing distinctive cloaks. Van could a heavy aura from the three elders. It was like a suffocating pressure that was just light enough to let Van move but make him aware he could be crushed in a second.

    These must be the elders of the three sects Van thought to himself. He could feel just from the aura that these 3 old men were far stronger then his father.

    He clenched his fist beside him. What would it take for him to reach such a level. Van secretly hoped he would be able to enter one of these sects and climb his was up in strength, to have the freedom to explore the world as he wanted to, discover new ruins, meet new kinds of people and have his own adventure.

    A tall elder clad in a deep gun metal colour cloak robe in the group of 3 stepped forward looking disdainfully at the youths in front of him with an arrogant smirking face.

    “i am Elder SooRo of the Imperiam Noct sect, one by one each of you will step forward and place both hands on the first circular stone, this will test your potential, if your talent is passable, then you will be allowed to test the second stone for your element… aware, even if you pass, you must meet the requirements to become a disciple of one of the sects….if not, the best you will be offered is a place as a servant to another disciple……the world of cultivators is for the strong…..all those that are weak will be crushed… sect will only take the best of the geniuses, we are not trashes that take on weak disciples”

    The two other elders to the side frowned at Elder SooRo. Clearly his remarks were aimed at their sects, however for the sake of this test and their duties, they held back from showing their full strength.

    These words lit a fire in Van's eyes and all of the youths surrounding him. None of them wanted to become a servant to another cultivator. They all wanted to be outstanding talents and rise up in the world of cultivators. Of course this was not possible for every one of them, but until the test told them otherwise each harboured the fantasy of becoming one of the world’s top cultivators.

    As Van was thinking this the test started……

    One of the elders wearing a emerald green cloak stepped forward to announce the levels as each youth took the first test.

    The first youth up was a short bulky boy with brown long hair, he stepped forward putting both hands on the first circular stone. The stone started to glow meaning he was able to step into cultivation, the stone had a slight yellow glow as the colour became a bit deeper.

    “Rook rank potential”. The tall elder in front of the youth announced. The elder frowned, Rook rank was the lowest level of cultivation, the boy in front of him did not have any future. At most he could be a servant to another cultivator in their sects.

    Youth after youth went up towards the platform putting their hands on both stones to see what talent and element they had.

    1 hour had passed. Most did not create any reaction in the stone. Only about 20% created a yellow stone reaction. 10 Youths had created green reactions meaning they could become Knight level cultivators. 5 created blue glows marking them with Bishop rank talent and only 1 youth had created a purple reaction to mark their potential at Castle rank.

    Finally, Van stepped up walking towards the first stone…
  3. spartajam

    spartajam New Member

    May 16, 2017
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    Van Stepped up to the stone, his heart racing as he looked up at the elder.

    He sighed as he placed both his hands onto the stone closing his eyes firmly. This was the moment, all his hopes on being able to become a cultivator and go on an adventure depended on what happened next.

    He felt a piercing cold sensation rush through his body, starting from his hands rushing up his arms and rushing straight to his core, his heart jumping a beat, as he opened his eyes wide looking at the stone shuddering.

    The stone started with a faint yellow glow, it become deeper with each passing second, slowly a tinge of green glowed from the centre of the stone enveloping the yellow colour. Van sighed in relief. Green meant a knight rank, just like his father. He could definitely go on his own adventure if his cultivation was just like his fathers.

    After this thought had passed, Van saw a deep oceanic blue burst from the sea of green becoming deeper and bolder. Bishop rank! Van’s heart started to race harder. Bishop rank meant he could become even stronger then his father. He would be able to become a middle tier cultivator in the kingdom.

    Middle tier cultivators were highly respected in the Veramillon kingdom. Rooks were known as initiate cultivators, a knight was a low level cultivator, Bishops and Castle ranks were middle tier cultivators and Kings/Queens were top rank cultivators.

    After this shock, the blue glowing stone become darker and deeper, a purple colour slowly infecting the blue globe until it covered every inch of the stone. Van did not even have time to register his shock and excitement. Immediately the stone burst with speckles of red, as they joined up with each other until the globe burst with a bright red colour.

    Van’s eyes widened in shock as he looked straight up to the elder in front of him.
    The elders eyes were brimmed full of excitement, as though as he had uncovered a diamond in a pile of pebbles.

    A deep voice echoed out into the training grounds.

    “King Rank Potential!”

    The other elders both looked at the boy in front of them like a Lion eyeing up a deer. If this boy could fulfil his potential and reach up to King rank he would be a powerhouse for their school. They could even push up in rank in the Kingdom. It all depended on what element he had.

    The Imperiam Noct sect had the best cultivation techniques for Water, Wind and Lightning element cultivators. Thy also had top level techniques for Fire and Earth cultivators, although they just slightly fell short of the Argan Flame and Eternal Forest techniques.

    Argan Flame was known for its strength in Fire techniques and the Eternal Forest for Earth techniques. Although their resources and ranks could not match up to the Imperiam Noct school, some Fire and Earth cultivators would still choose them for their top ranked technique.

    “what’s your name boy?” Elder SooRo spoke directly to Van.

    “It’s Van” he answered nervously feeling the pressure and strength in Elder SooRo’s voice.

    “Good, your talent is good, if you care about your future, you'll join my Imperiam Noct sect.”

    “SooRo this is not the place to be intimidating cultivators, each school has a fair chance to recruit cultivators so wait until the end. We will not allow you to do as you wish outside your school.” The emerald green robe wearing elder said sharply to Elder SooRo, his eyes full of rage and agitation.

    “Hmph!, Calm yourself Soma! anyone with talent would never end up in your schools. The element test will come soon enough, and this boy will come join my school. Just go ahead and announce the second test.”

    So this green wearing elder was called Soma Van thought. He seemed a lot milder then this Elder SooRo. Van took an instant dislike to Elder SooRo.

    Elder Soma frowned clenching his teeth in anger, waving his arm as the first stone disappeared being replaced with a large almost cube like stone.

    He turned facing the crowd projecting his voice loudly.

    “The first test is over. If you did not create any reaction, leave now. You are not suitable to become cultivators. Those with Rook rank potential…you may stay for the element test but be aware you will only be offered positions as servants to other disciples in our school. It is up to you to stay or not. All other have the potential to be come disciples at our schools.”

    Van looked across the training ground, the hundreds of failures crestfallen, slowly walking away to the exit of the grounds. Their hopes of becoming cultivators had been crushed in the last few hours.

    Van clenched his fist. He couldn’t be weak minded and let himself get distracted. He had taken his first step to hopefully becoming a cultivator. Not everybody could become a cultivator, but he had been given an opportunity that he had to take hold of.

    Elder Soma stepped forward once again. The time had come to test elements. Van lined up at the back watching the remaining 16 people step up and test their element.

    It finally came to Van’s turn. He stepped in front of Elder Soma once again glancing at the three elders, noticing the expectation in their eyes. He steadied himself as he placed both hands on the cube like stone.

    Kiln had told Van of this test as well. Each element corresponded to certain colours in the stone. If he was a fire element cultivator the stone would turn red, blue for water, yellow for lightning, green for wind, and brown for earth.

    Van looked down at the stone as something weird happened. A few sparks shone in the stone very slowly turning to a red colour. This didn’t last long as the colour dimmed away, as an azure blue glow started to form. Once again the colour vanished in almost a second as a faint green light sparked in the cube. The green light remained for 3 breaths, before becoming lighter turning into a dim yellow. 3 breaths later, the yellow become darker and darker, eventually turning into a brown colour.

    Van was confused. He heard from his father that the stone would change into one colour and stay like that until the cultivator removed their hands from the stone. However, this stone was fluctuating all the elements.

    There were extremely rare genius cultivators who had multiple elements. But even then, the stone would shine two or three colours at the same time. This was something completely different.
    The Earth brown lasted 20 breaths before dissipating into nothingness. Van looked up at the 3 elders once again. This time their expressions had changed greatly. All three had grim, disappointed expressions.

    Elder SooRo snorted “Elementless…..a waste of potential, you’ll be nothing more then trash. There isn’t any cultivation technique you’ll be able to use.”

    As soon as Van heard these words his mind shook. Impossible. Even with the potential he had, he couldn't cultivate any technique!

    He knew that the only way a cultivator could gain strength and move up in ranks was to cultivate in techniques attributed to their element. But, he couldn’t cultivate in anything. He couldn’t go on an adventure now. He wouldn’t have the strength to follow his dreams.

    Van stared at the ground, head down, all kinds of thoughts and emotions running through his head.

    Elder Soma sighed. He removed the stone as he stood back in line with the other elders.

    “It’s time now for the selection. Each elder will tell you whether they will invite you to their school.”

    These words passed by Van, as one by one offers were made to each cultivator. As expected the cultivators ranking above yellow all joined with the Imperiam Noct School. The remainder ended up at the Argan Flame School.

    Elder Soma looked once more at Van. Perhaps there was a slight chance he could use an Earth techniques. The stone remained the longest at the Earth element before disappearing. He thought about this. It was worth a chance. A King rank potential…. Even if he couldn’t use the element fully and could only utilise a Rook level in Earth techniques, he could become a servant to a disciple. With nobody joining the Eternal Forest School, there was nothing to lose. He wouldn’t waste cultivation resources on Van, and would see how he developed with a Earth technique. If he was completely useless he could be thrown out of the sect.

    If it all worked out, there would be a King rank cultivator at Eternal forest.

    A soft voice rang through the silence on the training ground.

    “Van……..join the Eternal Forest School.”
  4. Sturmritter

    Sturmritter Member

    May 27, 2017
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    I'm also a new member. I hope we can constructively critique our works. I'm nervous as heck, but willing to take honest comments in order to improve.
    Please instruct me! :)

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