A billion thoughts

Discussion in 'Original Stories' started by slebonafide, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. slebonafide

    slebonafide New Member

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    Hello everyone, this is a novel that I write on a spur of the moment, however I have the general directions where it's heading, but it's worse with time and enthusiasm. This is the first time im doing something like this so im sorry for all the things that I will be doing wrong and thanks for your patience if you want to read my novel.
    Edit: I will change SSS name to something normal later.

    Proloque

    Fuck... my head

    Tom had an intense hangover, one may think that there was an ocassion for that but he would be wrong, Tom is
    always drinking hard whenever he has a next day off, in fact Tom is drinking hard every evening, it's just that
    his old classmate who is also his boss now comes in everytime Tom has work next day and stops him from drinking too much.

    They weren't friends in school, actually Tom was bullying SSS because he was such a bookworm, however SSS is kindhearted and
    he doesn't want to payback him, rather he wants to help Tom but he knows Tom can't really be helped.

    Tom's mother was a prostitue while his father was a drunktard, he would beat Tom's mother untill she fainted and then he would
    beat Tom for any reason he could find, Tom would grow up to be like his father if it wasnt for help offered by SSS, however
    he still indulges to alcohol, he doesnt have any qualifications to have a normal job but thanks to SSS he has a decent job.

    Normal people would be gratefull for this, but Tom doesn't know what empathy is, he thinks that people look down on him
    and laugh at his back, thus he gets more drunk and the cycle is finished.

    One evening, Tom was going home from a bar, he had a next day off so he was drunk like there was no day tomorrow.

    On his way back, he saw a buddhist temple with a buddha statue, he didn't even know what religion this temple belonged to
    or whose statue it was, for a Tom, religions were all the same: believing something fictional and blaming their
    pain and suffering on a whim of a higher being.

    - How stupid humans are, they want to blame something which doesnt exist for all the bad things that happen in our world,
    Who should I blame for all the pain I suffered when I was a child? Is it you? Shouldn't you pay me for all I went through? No?
    Well then, I will pay you instead! Open your damn mouth!

    And so he let go of all his frustations he accumulated over the years.
    - Now we are even! See ya around baldy.

    What Tom didnt expect was that they weren't even yet, for he had yet to obtain a gift that would change his whole life.

    [Karma accumulation system downloaded in succesfuly! Welcome host.]

    - What the fuck now???
     
  2. Immovable87

    Immovable87 New Member

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  3. BattleLord

    BattleLord New Member

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    Ok, I am a little confused about Tom. Your introduction is a bit confusing to me. Tom appears to have completed school but still lives at home with his abusive father and prostitute mother, he has a job but for some unexplained reason wants to continue to live in this desfuctional family situation. I am not certain he has earned any karma from Buddha. He seems to be getting what he deserves.

    If he stood up to his father even if he lost he would earn some karma.
    If Tom provided some of his earnings from his job to help his family situation, he might earn some karma.
    If he was a better friend to SSS, he might earn karma.

    Basically, other than raising his voice at Buddha, there is nothing noteworthy about Tom. There are billions of Buddha worshippers more deserving. I don't find myself connecting with your MC yet. I am connecting with SSS who is actually trying to help Tom.
     

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